


Use for important things only.

by orphan_account



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, D.va and Lúcio are best friend goals probably, Multi, Texting, all the cool kids do chatfics right, and winston is tired, chat fic, chatfic, i'll try to focus on most of the characters but i'm a Bad person and i play favorites
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-11 11:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7889713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Winston: I think we have everyone. I have linked up your communicators to a hub where we can converse through text in situations where we want to share mission plans discreetly. This chat may be used for discussing things relating to battles and/or strategy.<br/>Hana: Omg so we have a chatroom now! The ones in my streams get really messy sometimes and i think this one won’t be any better. I’m ready >:3c<br/>Winston: This isn’t a chatroom.<br/>Lucio: I think it might be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This isn't a chatroom

**Winston** created  **OVERWATCH COMMUNICATIONS HUB**

**Winston** set description to:  **Chat hub between overwatch members. Use for important things** **only** **.**

**Winston** added  **Hana Song, Jesse McCree, Hanzo Shimada, Genji Shimada, Lúcio Correia dos Santos, Fareeha Amari, Jamison Fawkes, Mako Rutledge, Angela Ziegler, Mei-Ling Zhou, Satya Vaswani, Soldier:76, Torbjörn Lindholm, Aleksandra Zaryanova, Tekhartha Zenyatta,** and  **Lena Oxton**

**Winston** : I think we have everyone. I have linked up your communicators to a hub where we can converse through text in situations where we want to share mission plans discreetly. This chat may be used for discussing things relating to battles and/or strategy. 

**Hana:** Omg so we have a chatroom now! The ones in my streams get really messy sometimes and i think this one won’t be any better. I’m ready >:3c

**Winston** : This isn’t a chatroom. 

**Lucio:** I think it might be.

**Hana Song** is now named  **D.va**

**D.va:** How come 76 doesn’t have his real name listed? :O!!

**Winston:** Well

**Lena:** Oh! Hello everybody! This is so much fun to talk to you all!

**Winston:** Welcome to the chat Lena.

**D.va** : Winston!! You never answered my question :c

**Winston** : I don’t exactly know his name. 

**Soldier:76:** And i plan to have it stay that way.

**D.va:** Hi dad!

**Soldier:76** : Don’t call me that.

**D.va** : Dad76?

**Soldier:76** : No.

**D.va** : SoldierDad?

**Soldier:76** : Hana. 

**Lena:** Soldad: 76?

**Soldier:76** : Lena, not you too…

**Lena:** D.va how do you change the username? 

**D.va** : Should be in your top bar. :?

**Lena Oxton** is now named  **Tracer**

**Tracer:** Thanks luv!

**D.va** : No prob :*

**Winston:** This was a mistake.

**Angela:** That’s probably true. Hello all. 

**D.va:** MOM!

**Angela:** Hello… Daughter?

**D.va:** omg…. Thank you

**Angela** : You’re welcome, I think.

**D.va:** Wheres my other mom.

**Lucio:** D.va you have to stop calling everyone your parents.

**Angela:** I’m afraid i don’t know who you mean.

**D.va:** First of all, no Lucio. I will not stop. And i mean the mom that you are gay for. My two lesbian mothers. Where is Pharah.

**Angela:** I… am not gay for Pharah.

**Tracer:** Even i know that’s not true.

**D.va** : Thats a fucking lie! >:O

**Soldier:76:** LANGUAGE HANA.

**D.va:** THIS IS WHY YOU’RE MY DAD!

**Fareeha:** Mercy? Is this true?

**Angela:** How do i leave a chat i want to leave this chat

**D.va:** You have to face your gay feelings…

**Fareeha:** Angela?

**Fareeha:** Talk to me?

**Angela:** Can we talk face to face? 

**Fareeha:** Yes, meet me in the dining hall area of the base. 

**Lucio:** D.va. You  _ are _ the best matchmaker. How do you do it?

**D.va:** Sometimes i am even amazed by my own greatness ;3

**Soldier:76:** I can’t even believe what just happened. 

**Winston:** This was not what i expected to come from this chat.

**Tracer:** That there was a beautiful sight.

**\-------**

**Jesse** : Do y’all know why Mercy and Pharah are makin out in the dining hall?

**Tracer:** Read up in the chat, luv.

**Jesse:** Who the hell are angela and fareeha. Why don’t i know half the people in this chat.

**Tracer** : What are you talking about?

**Jesse:** Who are angela and fareeha?!

**Tracer:** Are you serious?

**Jesse:** Why was Tracer named Lena at the start of the chat. What is a Lena

**D.va:** McCree.

**Jesse:** What

**D.va:** What’s my name

**Jesse:** D.va…?

**D.va:** My name is Hana.

**Jesse:** Why are y’all called D.va then.

**Tracer:** Love, did you seriously think our code-names were our real names?

**Jesse:** ...

**Jesse:** WHY DID NONE OF Y’ALL TELL ME THIS.

**Soldier:76 :**  I think we assumed you knew.

**Winston:**  Who originally trained you?

**Tracer** : They should have told you that, at least.

**Jesse:** The only mentor that’s coming to mind is Gabriel Reyes. THAT WAS HIS REAL NAME. HE DIDNT DO THIS CODE NAME SHIT.

**Tracer:** Bloody hell, 76 must get real upset over code names!

**Jesse:** ?

**Tracer:** I’m pretty sure he just punched a wall!! 

**Tracer:** Oh. 

**Tracer:** I think he’s… Crying??

**D.va:** / **pm lucio** _ are you thinking what im thinking >:3 _

**Lucio: /pm D.va** _what are you thinking?_

**D.va:** / **pm Lucio** _ i’m thinking that dad is probably not upset over code names.  _

**Lucio: /pm D.va** _code names are a weird thing to cry about… so what is he upset about then?_

**D.va:** / **pm Lucio** _ i don’t know but i think we have to investigate  _

**Lucio: /pm D.va** _is it weird that i’m excited to invade an old man’s privacy???_

**  
  
  
**  
  



	2. I can't believe my dad is gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day? yeah. it's because i gotta get this fic started.

**D.va** created  **Interrogation time**

**D.va** added  **Lúcio Correia dos Santos** and  **Angela Ziegler**

 

**D.va:** what do you know about dad76 owo

**Lucio:** tell us it’s important

**Angela:** What makes you think i know any more than you two do? And what brought this about?

**Lucio** : We have to entertain ourselves somehow. 

**D.va:** You’re his doctor and his closest friend. You act as if you know him, he confides in you. And you’ve seen him without his mask on. If nothing else, you have to know his name. :-)

**Angela:** I am not at liberty to tell you anything.

**D.va:** Mom, do not forget who set you up with Pharah.

**Angela:** We aren’t even technically dating.

**Lucio:** McCree said he saw you two making out.

**Angela:** You may have a point there. 

**Angela:** And i do disagree with what he’s doing. He has no right to keep his identity a secret from his TEAM. It’s been long enough.

**Angela:** The person he’s hiding from isn’t even here.

**D.va:** So you’ll tell us? 

**Angela:**  I think it’s time for everyone to know.

**D.va:** I TOLD YOU MY BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, PERFECT MOTHER WOULD TELL US.

**Lucio** : Fine. You were right. 

**Angela Ziegler** left the chat.

**D.va:** 20 bucks says Gabriel Reyes is “the person he’s hiding from”.

**Lucio:** No, I’m not taking that bet because you’re probably right.

**Lucio:** That was record time for solving a mystery. 

**D.va:** ohhoooo it’s not over yet 0u0

\-----

**OVERWATCH COMMUNICATIONS HUB**

**Angela:** Jack. I was talking to Hana and I think it’s time.

**Soldier:76:** Angela what the hell are you doing?

**D.va:** Who’s jack? ouo

**Angela:** I’m sorry, but you know i never liked how you were hiding. 

**Soldier:76:** I’m not hiding.

**Angela:** Yes you are, Jack Morrison. You can’t do this anymore. Reyes isn’t here, you know that you have no reason to do this. 

**D.va:** LUCIO! 20 BUCKS!

**Lucio:** I NEVER AGREED TO THIS B ET I’M NOT PAYING YOU!!

**Angela:** Kids, we are having a moment here.

**Soldier:76:** WE ARE NOT HAVING A MOMENT!! I shouldn’t have told you who i was in the past.

**Soldier:76:** Sorry, just- I wasn’t hiding. I’m not Jack Morrison anymore. Jack Morrison is dead, you know this. 

**Tracer:** JACK!!!!!! 

**Soldier:76:** oh god

**Tracer:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD WHY DID YOU LET ME THINK THAT

**D.va:** I know i’m the only one in the same room as tracer and just wanted to let you all know that she’s crying. She just ran out the door. Shes coming to find you, dad.

**Soldier:76:** Angela i’m going to kill you.

**Torbjörn:** Jack?! I WAS AT YOUR FUNERAL. HOW COULd YOU NOT TELL ME!

**Soldier:76:** I thought Tracer was going to kill me but she just hugged me and she won’t stop crying. Help.

**Jesse:** It makes sense now.

**D.va:** What does?

**Soldier:76:** Jesse please don't.

**Jesse:** That's why he got all riled up when I mentioned his boyfriend!

**Soldier:76:** I NEVER DATED GABRIEL

**Jesse:** Whatever you say, but those two were connected at the hip! And they may not have dated but I swear. Jack practically had hearts in his eyes when he looked at Reyes.

**D.va:** I can't believe my dad is gay.

**Soldier:76:** I didn’t date Gabe. And it doesn’t matter anymore, he’s dead.

**D.va:** That took a dark turn.

**D.va:** You should change your name to Jack Morrison. OvO

**Soldier:76:** No. I’m not Jack Morrison. He died along with Reyes.

**Jesse:** That’s really gay. 

**Satya:** You’re one to talk, you dress as an american “Cowboy”, correct? Well, the culture of Cowboys were extremely gay. In nineteenth century America, between cowboys lines were blurred between social and romantic/sexual. Some cowboys would dance the “woman’s” part of dances and wear badges to show that they were more feminine and this was generally accepted. Cowboys even married each other in what they called “bachelor marriages”. Cowboys were gay. And i see the way you stare at someone i am not going to say by name. Someone of your gender. You’re most likely really gay, “McCree”.

**D.va:** Holy shit.

**Lucio** : Did Symmetra just speak for the first time in the chat just to roast McCree?

**Jesse: (** Symmetra’s real name is Satya???) why did you have to do me in like that

**Satya:** I needed a way to integrate into the chat and i saw my chance. 

**Soldier:76:** Well, welcome Satya.

  
**Tracer:** Oh hell, that was the best entrance so far! 

**D.va:** / **pm Lucio** _ we should figure out a way to hack into the system and change dad’s name to Jack.  _

**Lucio: /pm D.va** _ what if he changes it back? _

**D.va:** / **pm Lucio** _ he’s old he probably doesn’t know how _

**Lucio: /pm D.va** _ Winston probably won’t tell us how to get into the system _

**D.va:** / **pm Lucio** _ what makes you think i need winston uwu _

**D.va:** / **pm Lucio** _ meet me in my room and well figure this out _

\-----

**Soldier:76** is now named  **Jack Morrison**

**Angela:** I thought you said jack morrison was dead?

**Jack:** He is. Er, I am? 

**Jack:** I didn’t do that.

**Angela:** What?

**Jack:** I didn’t change my name. It just changed by itself.

**Jack** : Hana how do i fix this?

**D.va:** Oh… i don’t know :(

**Jack:** You do know. Help me fix this.

**D.va:** No

**Jack:** Hana

**D.va:** You can’t tell me what to do.

**Jack:** Hana.

**D.va:** Dad.

**Jack:** Nope.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS AND POSTING FROM MOBILE MESSES UP THE FORMAT SO I WILL POST MORE CHAPTERS WHEN I GET HOME


	3. quest for wifi

**D.va:** does anyone know the wifi password to the hotspot that one of the talon members carry around

**Jack:** What are you talking about? Don't text while fighting. 

**D.va:** My mech says that there's a wifi signal and I want to stream the fight.

**D.va:** usually I have some sort of cellular signal

**D.va:** I'm pretty sure the wifi is coming from the guy who never outgrew his scene phase. 

**D.va:** I'm gonna get closer to him to find out

**D.va** : oh shit

**Jack:** Did you just blow up your mech

**D.va** : no

**Jack:** Get under cover, that was a stipid idea.

**D.va:** stipid?

**Jack:** it's hard to type  _ while _ I'm trying to protect you

**D.va:** maybe you shouldn't text and fight

**D.va:** maybe that's a stipid thing to do…

**Tracer:** There is definitely a wifi signal coming from Mr. “Death Comes”

**Fareeha:** Yes I noticed it as well.

**Jack** : Is everyone just going to text while we're in the middle of a fight? 

**D.va:** I'm going to start trying random passwords. 

**D.va:** it's not deathcomes or diediedie 

**Tracer:** maybe he's not “edgy” enough to make his password something like that?

**D.va:** Oh no, he totally is :9

**Jack:** Maybe it's not such a good idea to log onto an enemy’s wifi?

**D.va:** Maybe I can do what I want, dad.

**Jack:** If I'm your dad why don't you listen to me?

**D.va:** did you just admit to being my father?

**Lucio:** Are you my dad also?

**Tracer:** Oh! Me too!

**Jack:** Lena we are technically similar ages i think

**Tracer:** That doesn't matter! 

**Jack** : It usually does. 

**D.va:** MERCY I THINK DAD MAY NEED YOUR HELP

**D.va:** I JUST WATCHED HIM GET SNIPED BY SOMEONE

**Angela:** I'm on my way. 

\-----

**D.va:** well that fight went to shit really quickly.

**Jack:** That's what happens when you text and fight at the same time.

**D.va:** you're the only one who got hurt because of texting…

**Jack:** I wouldn't have seen the sniper anyway.

**D.va:** how do you know that :3

**Jack:** I'm sighing right now.

**D.va:** A GOOD THING DID COME OF THAT FIGHT THOUGH :)

**Tracer:** What did, luv?

**D.va:** Our resident edgelord got caught in one of junkrat’s traps, and I stole his portable hotspot :D

**Jack:** We could have captured him. We could have been rid of one of our greatest threats. But instead, you took his wifi hotspot. 

**D.va:** Yep!

**Jack** : I've been doing a lot of sighing today.

**D.va:** now we gotta crack the code :3

**Lucio:** I can help!

**Tracer:** Me too, yeah?

**D.va:** alright I'll make a separate chat.

**Winston:** Don't make separate chats, it might slow down the speed that messages send in this chat. And this chat. Was for IMPORTANT THINGS. 

**D.va:** I'm gonna make another chat

\-----

**D.va** created  **Time to get wifi**

**D.va** added  **Tracer** and  **Lúcio Correia dos Santos**

**D.va** : okay let's brainstorm.

**Tracer:** have we tried all of his “phrases”?

**Lucio:** Yeah, all of the ones we could think of.

**Tracer:** I fear that it's some personal information that we couldn't know.

**Lucio:** I hope not.

**Tracer:** Maybe it's like TalonRules

**D.va:** Nope

**Lucio:** ILoveOwls

**Tracer:** where did that even come from?

**D.va:** that's not it

**Lucio:** His mask is an owl,

**Tracer:** What?

**Tracer:** I thought it was a skull?

**Lucio:** It's a barn owl,

**Lucio:** it's a symbol for death in some cultures. 

**Tracer:** so he's not just basic edgy I guess!

**D.va:** He's… Advanced edgy

**Lucio:** Try everything we've tried already except with 666 at the end

**D.va:** holy shit… That's a good idea :333

**D.va:** except for the fact that none of those worked

**Tracer:** alright I'm going to get to bed, keep me updated!

**D.va:** Okay we will!

**Tracer** left the chat.

**D.va:** So it's not OverwatchSucks or OverwatchSux

**Lucio:** What if you just ask him next time we're in battle?

**D.va:** that would be hilarious. But it probably wouldn't work :(

**Lucio:** _ This _ sucks

**D.va:** **I will die before I give up**

**Lucio:** yoooOOO HOW DO YOU DO BOLD TEXT

**D.va:** < s trong> [text here] </ s trong>

**D.va:** Without spaces

\-----

**OVERWATCH COMMUNICATIONS HUB**

 

**D.va: I FIGURED OUT THE PASSCODE**

**Jack:** It's 3 am why are you awake

**D.va:** IT DOESNT MATTER I KNOW THE WIFI PASSWORD 

**D.va:** ITS LaMuerteLlega

**Jack:** how did you possibly figure that out

**D.va:** SO THE REAP MAN IS EDGY WE KNOW THAT. HE SAYS DEATH COMES WHEN HE KILLS/ INJURES SOMEONE. ALSO HE WEARS A BARN OWL MASK TO SIGNIFY DEATH. IT SIGNIFIES DEATH IN A LOT OF SPANISH SPEAKING CULTURES. SO I FIRST TRANSLATED “DIEDIEDIE” INTO SPANISH AND THAT DIDNT WORK BUT DEATH COMES DID!! IM SO HAPPY :DDDDDDD

**Jack:** we could have just bought a portable hotspot.

**D.va:** but you can't buy this sense of accomplishment 

**Jack:** Go to sleep, Hana.

**D.va:** Okay dad!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back! also! i almost made the password jackmorrison or something like that but its too soon for that lmao


End file.
